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Body Armor
I finally watched “My Octopus Teacher” and I walked away from it with tears in my eyes and lessons learned. I won’t tell the whole story in case you haven’t seen it. It is indeed worth your time. The artist–Craig Foster–is an excellent narrator and an even better diver and observer of the ocean beneath–particularly this individual octopus. He comes to the project with depression and burnt out from filming and life. I can relate to that. It took him ten years (& octopuses do not live long) to create this documentary. Frustration and fear concerning my recent illness has grown in me. Its cause’s ability to hide in my…
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Mothering
Memories of our own mothers flood over us on Mother’s Day. Unconditional love, teaching, mentoring and patience is what we like to remember. We don’t have to be mothers to “mother” someone or something. One of my powerful memories is mothering a fledgling that Gregory and I found in our yard one morning. We actually found 3, but one got away and one died in the heat of a July summer. We did manage to feed Laurel the right food after failing a few times. With the help and ingenuity of my father who just happened to be visiting us — Laurel learned to fly under his love and patience.…
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Vulnerability
We often think of vulnerability as a weakness, but I have come to see it as a strength. Vulnerability is having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. I remember visiting Rome and taking a tour through the Coliseum. We learned that gladiators–usually prisoners of war, slaves or criminals–were kept locked in cells in an underground passageway and would be led up a stairway to a trap door that would snap open and leave them stranded on the ground floor in the colosseum to face their opponent and possible death. Talk about vulnerability as weakness, but maybe many of these people…
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Rosie the Donkey
Everything I learned about donkeys I learned from Rosie. Rosie lives on my brother’s farm and she takes care of the sheep and the goats and maybe even the chickens from time to time. In winter she has a very thick coat which is good because some nights are very cold. Donkeys, like horses, sleep standing up. That is hard for us humans to understand, but their bodies are used to and in fact require it. You might see a horse lying down in a meadow on a warm day, but not my Rosie. Rosie is gentle and loves vegetables. She is vegan. When my mother visited the farm she…
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My History
On Sunday I was in a small group after church speaking about our histories and some of the legacies we might find if we dare look. We were looking not only at our parents, but also at our grandparents and deep into our history. What does that look like? What can we imagine from what we know of the present and the past? I thought about my mother and her deep roots of Protestantism. As I became more Anglo-Catholic, she challenged me on many issues, but the one she disliked the most was “Intercession through the Saints.” Once we were in a small Episcopal church in Washington and she had…
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In Fog
I did three loads of laundry today. As I folded the duvet cover, I did not put it back on the pristine white duvet. Why? I am living for now. It is only a duvet. I am no longer protecting the future, but rather living in the present. I remember how my mother only took out her good china teacups on special occasions. I used to tease her about this, but later I would understand. She was a child of the Depression and of scarcity. I have known no scarcity. I have never known scarcity. But I do know what living in fog is like. I do not know if…
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Birth, death and rebirth
On January 2, 2021, while talking with my brother and enjoying my coffee and breakfast, I felt a sensation up the left side of my body. My arm and then my leg started making spastic motions. There was no pain, but I had no control of the left side of my body. I tried to walk, but I could only crawl. Some motion in my left eye was evident and my speech was somewhat slurred. Immediately the word “stroke” came to my mind and it gripped me with terror. I rang my doctor and she believed that I had had a stroke. The use of my arm and leg gradually…
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Out of the earth comes life
Christmas is coming and mine is going to be very simple. I did take it upon myself to grow two Amaryllises. I hope they will have full double red blossoms. They arrived from White Flower Farm in beautiful linen bags. The potting instructions say: “Place a well-drained potting mix in a tub. Slowly add warm water and stir with your hand until the mix is moist and not soggy.” That line made me think. Soggy would make the mix set up like cement, but moist would make the potting soil a muck where life can grow. When will there be growth? Patience is necessary. It will need more time in…
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No Expectations
This year I am approaching Advent and Christmas with “no expectations.” I am grateful to be here, to have enough food and a warm place to live. My mother always loved Christmas. We would gather at Thanksgiving–eat a wonderful meal prepared by her and then take walks around the pond and land. The next day my younger sister and I would drive the grandchildren to Pittsburgh. First stop was the Andy Warhol Museum. Kids love Andy Warhol–brightly colored paintings, lithographs and Mylar balloons to bat around. Next we visited the Christmas fair on Forbes Avenue. In my spending days “full of expectations,” I bought many ornaments and they remain some…
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Hibernate in Body and Mind
Many of my friends who are retiring, talk of moving west or south to be warmer in winter. What about hibernation in winter? Would hibernation help people get through long winters or would it make it worse? Hibernation works very well for certain animals – bears, squirrels, bats and other mammals. I can see a very large and comfy squirrel nest in my pine tree. Animals hibernate in the winter to conserve energy and because there isn’t enough food readily available. Frogs hibernate in the water they live in. They have a fluid in their bodies that acts like antifreeze. Ice crystals form in such places as the body cavity…
